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By Wendy Van de Poll, MS, CEOL

Have you experienced pet loss in your business? Are you at a loss for comforting words that offer compassion and support?

As a professional pet sitter it’s important to be aware of what you’re saying to your clients that are coping with pet loss. It can be incredibly easy to say something to your client that will trigger his or her grief, which you may regret later.

One of the most difficult things to deal with is knowing the appropriate thing to say. Everyone, including you, grieves and mourns in their own way and time. Being aware of this will help you come up with different ways to express your condolences.

As a caring person you want your human clients to feel better when coping with pet loss. However, do you know what is appropriate to say to a client and how best to acknowledge the loss?

I am going to give you three recommendations of what not to say to your clients—and how to support your client in a meaningful and compassionate way. These three recommendations are not an exhaustive list, yet they are the most common.

The thing is you may not agree with all of them and think, “I wouldn’t say that!” Yet, I have heard very caring pet professionals say each and every one of the three common statements below—even to me as their client!

Three upsetting things to avoid saying:

1. How are you doing?

This is a common phrase. However, your client may actually feel pressured to feel better than they actually are. They may answer you with, “Good,” “Okay,” or even, “Great.”

To a grieving person they may hear you saying, “Please tell me that everything is fine with you because it’s uncomfortable if you say you are sad.”

If you say to them instead, “It’s tough for you right now,” your words show them you are acknowledging their painful and difficult experience of grief and loss.

2. You can always get another…

This comment can easily trigger your client’s loss and desperation. They can also be led to feel that they will somehow forget their pet if they “replace” it with another or they should forget their pet because it’s replaceable.

A non-triggering response would be, “Please tell me about your pet.”

3. I am so sorry to hear that.

This is a big one—one you may not agree with, and yet the most popular.

The fact is this statement puts the focus of the pet’s dying on you and your sorrow. It’s likely your client will feel as if they have to take care of you and offer their support in regard to your grief!

A kinder, more supportive and compassionate response would be, “I’m so sad to hear that Gus died. Would you like me to just listen to what happened?”

This type of comment will give your client a comforting place to express their grief rather than feel as if they need to take care of you.

Becoming aware of what you say when your client is coping with pet loss is one way in which you can support your clients with their grief.  Can you come up with some of your own statements that help your clients feel that what they are going through is normal?

Wendy Van de Poll is an expert and pioneering leader in the field of pet loss grief support and the founder of the Center for Pet Loss Grief. She is the author of the best-selling Pet Bereavement Series.